Wednesday 24 July 2024

Return to my Trees – a three hundred mile walk through Welsh forests

 Dod yn ôl fy nghoed...

        To return to my trees.


What on earth is that Welsh phrase supposed to mean? Unsurprisingly, knowing the poetic and lyrical nature of the Welsh nation, it doesn't just mean 'nipping into the woods'. It's a phrase used when someone needs to clear their head, to think again.

Matthew Yeomans, a Cardiff author of Rough Guides translates it as 'to return to a balanced state of mind...' 

Something that has been medically proved to occur when we walk in amongst trees; our blood pressure reduces and so does our anxiety levels. We return from our walk feeling de-stressed and ready for life.

the mythic map


Yeoman, who has been a traveller all his writing life, didn't have to travel far geographically to write this fourth book. Having travelled the world, he decided towalk through the ancient and modern forests of Wales, losing himself in their stories––their natural word, their history, mythology and legends, especially those which appear between the covers of the Mabinogion, the ancient tales of Wales. While Yeoman  explored the paths, he also explored the religions, culture, arts and music of Wales, as well as the industrial past and present of his home nation. 

Yeoman started in the Welsh Marches, at Wentwood,striding across the south of the country, to the Black Mountains. Then he worked northwards, past the Devil's Bridge, through Snowdonia and Llangollen and onwards to the north-eastern border,  stopping at Chirk. 

Such a grand idea: linking the forests throughout a modern country, walking those (often unmarked) paths, talking to the local people and learning about the land. 300 miles is a massive journey, and Yeoman is still walking, often with other people who want to encourage us all to walk.

Recently, I walked just a few miles of Yeoman's Mythic Map, over the Bwlch Mountain near Maesteg, walking with my son and my dog. I love walking with others because that's when the most intimate and interesting chats happen, when you're looking ahead at the path and the trees, listening to the brook and the birds, you can open your heart. 

But walking along introduces a new dimension––not only bringing down stress and puts our lives into perspective––it allows me reach the most creative parts of my mind. When I walk alone, my books, stories, characters and settings accompany me and grow clearer and more real as I progress along my route. Many writers walk to invent their stories. Dickens apparently wrote most mornings and walked every afternoon. I think his characters and their scenarios walked with him, ready for their creation by pen the following
morning.

The writer’s greatest fear is the blank page or screen. Being stuck for something to write is terrifying for a writer, and is a major reason why many would-be writers never take the plunge. But most of our writing is done before we even touch the keyboard or pen. For this, we visit a strange place in our heads – our imagination, where we go though a process of deep listening. When you have the chance to attend to the many voices of your self, letting them settle in your head before writing them down, you unlock something that you didn’t previously know was there. Walking alone allows this.

I've used walking as inspiration for years. It doesn't matter if the surrounds are urban or rural, but naturally it's nicer if there are trees. The most important thing is that I am on my own. When i walk alone, I chatter to my characters, and they chatter back. t. I've walked my way though, scene-building, description, interior monologue and action. I've listen to dialogue develop and worked out my plots. Holding it in your head is the hard part––I've been known to race back on the home stretch, my hands itching for the keyboard––so always take a notebook and pen. 


On Radio 6, Matthew Yeomans explained how this walk emerged out of the cabin fever of Covid. 'I had to get out…I didn't  know much about trees, but I heard that the Welsh Government had announced a plan to create a national forest of Wales.' 

In his wonderful, inspiring book, he walks to link just some of the woodlands and forests of Wales, seeking an answer to the question; when and how did we humans lose our connection with nature – and how do we find it again? Helpfully, the walk has grown, turning into a book, a mythic map, and a Welsh playlist plus a list of podcasts all of which can be downloaded.


They are matchless,
My trees in winter. 
While I watch telly and eat carbs, 
Put the fire on, the heating up, 
They stand naked to the battle;
Steady for storm, ready for gale. 

Winter trees communicate in semaphore
Black flags against the half-day’s light.
They are gallows for bats,
Rigging for gulls,
Blue cages for robins 
Steeples for stormcocks.

In the cold sun, 
The oaks glow emerald with moss;
Planes strike piebald patterns;
Birch trunks shimmer like a high moon. 
I pull on gloves, hat, scarves,
Brave the cold to watch 
As they wait secure, 
Dreaming sap dreams,
Expectant for spring.                                                 (Trees in Winter by Nina Milton)

Not everyone lives near a forest. But I'm sure you can find some trees to enjoy. So go and enjoy them. Return to them, to clear your head, find a better perspective, solve you problems and, even, perhaps, write a book. You may return to a balanced state of mind. You may even  return to a balanced state of soul.

Monday 22 July 2024

Finding your Writing Voice–Part One


I was pulled out with forceps
left a gash down my left cheek
four months inside a glass cot
but she came faithful 
from Glasgow to Edinbrough
and peered through the glass
I must have felt somebody willing me
  to survive 
she would not pick another baby

                Jackie Kay, the Adoption Papers 

The voice you speak with is unique and can be used to identify you, rather like fingerprints. The voice you write with should also be unique so that your readers will recognise it and grow to love it. A good  personal voice helps seduce your reader. It allows them to feel a certain familiarity that brings them back to a particular writer time and time again.

Some people say that ‘voice’ on the page can be defined as ‘the author writing as they would converse’. I think a better definition is that ‘voice’ is ‘the author writing as they would think’.  When a writer pours their mind…their thoughts…onto their page, the voice sings out – driven by something that not even the writer fully understands. 

Your writing ‘voice’ is as valid as anyone’s, so long it has sufficient flow to hold a reader’s attention. It does not have to be cultured, or even grammatical...clarity, vision and personality count for a lot more. So, don’t be inhibited by other people’s writing style; you have a great style of your own, which, when left to emerge, is unique to you.


The poet Jackie Kay has written about her earlier life, including Red Dust Road (2010), described in review as a fine antidote to the misery memoir, and The Adoption Papers (1991) She says this of voiceI wrote in three different voices: the birth mother, the adoptive mother, and the daughter. It was interesting when I was writing it, talking about inventing yourself, because the daughter’s voice was, in fact, the most difficult to write. Both the mothers were comparatively easy to find a voice for; the daughter I found more difficult – and this was because she was, in a way, trying to tell the factual story. I realised I found that aspect less imaginative and therefore less easy to create – this was a surprising part of the project.


If you are a writer of fiction, you will also need to find the voice of each of your narrators. This might feel a tall order at first, while you are still developing your own writing voice. In fact, it's imperative that you do find your own voice before anything else. Finding your own writing voice is the foundation stone of all good writing. This blogpost deals with helping you develop your own voice. We will return to look at character voices in Part Two.


Exercise: Find your voice

Take a characterless piece of writing to work with. You can write one of your own, or use this example here:


We reached the stile and looked over it. More fields. My legs were tired. The stile was wooden and you had to climb up then down. There was mud on the other side, and cows. I said, 'Let's go back the way we came.'


Such a faceless account gives you scope to reimagine the scene. We've probably all had an experience fairly like this one. Whether you work with this scene, or one you've created, you start by thinking about the dull, lifeless components (a walk, a view, a conversation, a challenge). Allow these to become images and words inside your mind. In other words you… pour your mind…yourr thoughts…onto the page, and let your voice sing out.


Breaking down your writing and divesting it of any individual voice will enable you to see what happens when you introduce your writing personality from scratch. Spend some time now looking at the the difference between the first, dull draft and the second, infused with your voice.  What do these reveal about the way your mind works?  Is there a certain tone of voice, a detectable style? Did you go for the challenges (for instance, did you focus on getting through the mud, or facing the cows)? Did you concentrate on adding description? Did you focus on dialogue, getting the 'we' chatting?' Was your goal to inspire a reader, make them smile, make them understand, give them reading pleasure? 


Try to analyse the changes you made. 


The reader over your shoulder

Nows the time to think more deeply about those influential personasthat continue to speak internally and accompany the writer. (In fact they accompany everyone, but theyre of most use to writers.)


Robert Graves, author of I Claudius, with his researcher, Alan Hodge, took this idea and ran with. At the start of the 2nd WW, they produced a handbook for writers called The Reader Over Your Shoulder. They began with, “…whenever anyone sits down to write he should imagine a crowd of his prospective readers…looking over his shoulder.” They outlined forty-one principles for writing, devoted to clarity, and grace of expression. 



Robert Graves’s desk in his home in Majorca, where he lived from 1929 until his death.

 Photo: © Emily Benet


Mikhail Bakhtin, the Russian philosopher and literary theorist, talked about the personas we all internalise as we move from childhood into adulthood – the people we respect, whose own voices remain in our minds. These begin with the authority and love we experience from parents, teachers and older or wiser friends. But they widen as we progress to include other significant influences – your priest, your boss, your financial advisor, a particular politician, even your driving instructor. Their voices may be reassuring, awe-inspiring or heart-warming, but we have these people in our heads and often address our thoughts towards them, creating imagined discourses.


You might feel this phenomenon would get in the way of developing your own voice but, rather than fighting it, allow yourself to address these invisible listeners––or rather, one chosen listener––as you write, as well as think. Using a relevant influence as the reader over your shoulder may encourage aspects of your own voice to grow.


 Exercise: Who is over your shoulder?

Take your time over this exercise and work on it in stages:


First, identify just one influential persona who may have an authoritative significance for you. Try not to go for writers; choose someone who influenced your life in the past. Choose a presence that you feel really comfortable with.


Take some time to create a list of the ways in which this voice has influenced (and maybe still influences) your thoughts. What messages come out of any imagined conversations or discourses with this person? Try to isolate the consequences – practical or emotional – that they have on your life.


You may discover that the original persona has developed into someone slightly different over the years theyve been inside your head, to become a semi-imaginary figure.


Socratic Dialogue by ckelly321

Write a series of imaginative sketches that involves discussions between you and this other person. If you like, you can give both of you new names to shift the perspective slightly away from yourself. Imagine both of you taking a walk where you 

comfortably chat (if you like, think of the Socratic dialogues).




In your sketches, allow yourself to gain the upper hand in any disagreements. After all, its your writing. Even if this persona is actually your old professor, youre allowed to win the argument!


Let two voices emerge – yours and the voice of the person who will be 'reading over your shoulder'. Read through your work, analysing the two voices and pondering on your own writers voice.


Rework the sketches as much as you like, to enhance the discussions or put new points across, to add some action, description or introspection. Feel free to repeat the exercise, especially if you find it helps reinforce your own emerging voice.


Keep practising! Develop your voice through the two exercises above and by writing copiously in the voice that is emerging. Part Two will be with you in a couple of weeks. 




Sunday 7 July 2024

Carpe diem - Seize the day – how one writer is gaining their dream


Thank you so much Debi, our guest blogger for July.

Do read below about Debi's writing journey in her guest blog post below, which is packed with good advice on how to reduce your tuition costs and still get the support you need as a fledgling writer 


Carpe diem – Seize the day – Horace wrote. In fact, the full quote translates as, ”Pluck the day [for it is ripe], trusting as little as possible in tomorrow.”  For fledging writers taking their foundling first forage into the wonderful yet mystical world of writing, the path does seem fraught, with companies offering a bewildering array of workshops, advice, and equally eye-watering price-tags to match. So, if like me, you are on a limited budget, where you do you start?  

This is simply how I got started; my intention is to encourage all of you who have discovered writing is an all-consuming passion: simply something you have to do because it makes your soul sing.  Writing enables you to pour your heart, soul and imagination into the written word. For me, it is a way to communicate ideas, thoughts and insights that I would find hard to vocalise.  

It is incredibly liberating.

I rediscovered my passion for writing whilst completing the final year of my Open University languages degree – something I thought beyond my reach due to my CFS/ME. My short story Luna was published in the OU’s Anthology* in 2020.  Lockdown provided me with the headspace and opportunity – I had always wanted to write a novel.  

Seizing the moment, I enrolled on a Creative Writing course aptly entitled Starting Your Novel with the OCA Open College of the Arts, which gave me the writer’s tool-kit necessary whilst penning the first 10,000 words of my crime novel Abandoned.

I enlisted the services of Nina Milton, my OCA tutor, who offered a peer mentoring and manuscript feedback service at a very reasonable fee.  Nina has been instrumental in working with me to get me to the finish line. 

 Fast forward to Christmas 2023, and 130,000 words later – a complete first draft.  I savoured my triumph!

So, how did I get there? 

Arvon at The Hurst
A friend’s recommendation of Arvon was extremely fortuitous as a fledging writer.  The Arvon Organisation’s https://www.arvon.org/ ethos is to encourage all writers, irrespective of their age and experience of writing, especially those who have just embarked on their writing journey.  They occasionally offer fully funded places on their retreats subject to a fairly straightforward application form.  I treated  this form like a job application and was surprised –– delighted –– to secure a fully funded place  on a Tutored retreat at The Hurst in 2022.  The week was hugely beneficial, as well as providing network opportunities. Every course does have a number of subsidised places for low income and underrepresented groups (around a 33% discount). I was awarded a subsidised place on their Editing Fiction course, again, at The Hurst. It’s the most accessible by public transport for me. My experience is described on: https://www.arvon.org/my-arvon-week-debi-barry/

My tutors were Angela Clarke and Rory McClean, both published authors. And I loved meeting my fellow writers there. Sharing our hopes and fears made me realise I was not alone. And being offered the headspace to devote to writing was wonderful. 

An unforeseen bonus was the fact that Arvon also runs joint initiatives with companies in the Publishing field.  I applied for an initial manuscript assessment of the first 15,000 words of my novel through an initiative between Arvon and The Literacy Consultancy under the Arts Council-funded TLC Free Reads Report scheme:  https://www.arvon.org/writers-hub/free-reads/

The students help cook the meals

This application form was more involved butdefinitely worth the input. I secured a place! 

The feedback I received from Doug Johnstone, an established and well-respected crime writer, was both incredibly detailed and encouraging.  Addressing the constructive feedback, I now have the opportunity to implement the suggestions Doug has made to give me the best possible chance of securing an agent or publisher for my novel once submission ready. 

I am extremely pragmatic.  Securing a publisher or an agent is very difficult but one I feel I have to have a stab at.  This is my dream.  It may not be yours and rest assured, if it isn’t, that’s fine too. 

If you enjoy the company of others, do seek out your local library and see if there are any writing groups set up.  I was fortunate I saw an invite that Lynn Griffin, a published author who lives locally, who has set up writing groups at the Trowbridge Library. https://www.facebook.com/ lynngriffinauthor/  I have found a fabulous bunch of like-minded individuals.  We meet monthly and share our work.  


Thanks to Lynn Griffin for getting our writing group under way. So enriching to share our writing journeys with each other. Always come away with loads of ideas Stephen, Claire and Jonathan 


My final piece of advice is aimed at all the female writers out there (sorry chaps!)  Do consider a subscription to Mslexia, a magazine that supports female writers: https://mslexia.co.uk/ It offers a wealth of resources, writing opportunities and advice.  Although I have not yet had any short stories published, I have just secured a bursary to attend their online Novel School (8th-12th July 2024).  Armed with my manuscript appraisal and this exciting and challenge week at Novel School ahead of me, I’m still travelling towards that all important holy grail – a submission-ready manuscript.  


Carpe diem! 

Debi

@deborahbarry_




Learn more about 

Nina Milton's Mentoring Services ––

click here to learn more about my friendly services for writers


A Creative Writing degree with the OCA

Have you always wanted to write a novel, create a screenplay, or perfect your poetry? Whatever you’re looking to write, our BA (Hons) Creative Writing degree will give you the tools to achieve it.


Tuesday 2 July 2024

Read the first Chapter of the latest Shaman Mystery here!


The 4th Shaman Mystery
by Nina Milton


THROUGH THE FLOODGATE 



Chapter One



Boiling Blood in his Brain






John Spicer was already waiting, when Larry drove down into Harper’s Coombe.

It was like a lover’s tryst – a lung-drying desire.

Larry pulled the old pickup to a halt behind John’s Audi and jumped out the cab. The ground was so soft he felt his wellingtons sink by inches.  Across the coombe there were patches of shining water, the start of little lakes.

Bloody rain. It was never-ending. Even down here in the coombe, the wind behind it was throwing water into his face.

He pulled the fur of his trapper hat down around his ears and went to the back of the pickup. Water pooled on the tarp, trickling down to the metal base as he shifted it, wetting the random items he carried. His fingers were slippy as he spun the combination lock. It was an old-fashioned document case, but it did the job. Empty, of course, because the previous money he’d carried home was now in a Second World War tin box, which had belonged to his father’s father and had previously held old documents and his sister’s first baby shoes. 

Soon, he would buy a soft leather case with a laptop inside, slender as a slate tile.

He left the briefcase ready and waiting to be filled, and splashed over the wet grass towards the Audi, obscenely large, less than a year old and glowing gold-brown with its metallic finish.

He’d told people he’d been getting migraines since the disaster, but it wasn’t actual pain. It felt more like boiling blood. Eighteen months of acid thoughts rolling in his brain, steam pushing at the lid.

At first, he had blamed God for his ruin. Then, with the promise of compensation, he had blamed the government. But one afternoon, standing in his own yard, a chance remark lit the gas beneath his stew pan of resentment, and the truth rose in the steam.

John Spicer was to blame.

Spicer had taken
everything away from Larry, taken more than his livelihood, taken the man he was. He could afford to pay for his mistake and Larry saw it as his duty to suck at the man until he was hollow inside.

The window of the Audi rolled down, but Spicer didn’t look at him. 'This is the last time I come here. You’re getting no more, Larry.' 

Spicer’s voice had a softness about it, as if he’d just eaten ice cream. Through that gentleness came the final trace of Somerset accent that going to posh schools couldn’t get rid of. Listening to John’s soft voice made his own speech sound unnaturally rough, hoarse, and littered with swear words, like his tongue was a lash.

'If you think this is the last time, you’re a stupider fuckhead than I thought you were.' 

'I only came here to say it to your face.'

Yet he was not saying it to his face; he was still staring though the windscreen as if there was a football match being played on the far side of the coombe, rather than the damp drip of willows, green with moss and pale with age, stubby things that rose almost vertically out of the steep sides.

From the start of this, Spicer had rarely done him the courtesy of glancing his way, and it made his brain boil harder, the knowledge that he couldn’t stand the sight of Larry.

It had been late July, the first time they’d met in Harpers Coombe. Midday, the sun warm on the balding crown of his head. The dell had been full of colour – meadowsweet and marsh marigolds and huge clumps of loosestrife, as if someone had thrown a quilt, ready for a picnic. He’d asked for a grand. He hadn’t expected Spicer to agree, but as the pack emerged from the half-open window, a flexible wodge wrapped in plastic, still warm from Spicer’s touch, he’d realised he should have asked for more.

Once the money was in Larry’s hand, the Audi shot forward by a couple of feet then reversed skilfully around the Land Rover pickup, whining as it sped up the track.

He’d had a flash of panic, ripping open the plastic there in Harper’s Coombe. Bank notes spilt into the briefcase, crisp from a bank clerk’s count. For the first time since the flood, his head felt cool, rested…atoned. He had scared John Spicer, a man not easily frightened.

In August, he’d put a zero on the end –  ten grand, you fucker, or I go to the police. 

It was chilly and damp when they met in September, with sedge growing at the soggy edges of the coombe. 

By October it felt like he was amassing a small fortune. 

End of November, John had not turned up.

He’d gone to his house, under cover of darkness. The windows glowed against the storm outside. The Christmas decorations were already up. They were playing music and their voices rose, fell, cheerful and relaxed. He heard John chuckle and Alison was chattering to her granddaughter in that baby voice people did.

He’d turned his collar up against the storm and slunk away.

He’d taken too long to think what to do, finally scribbling something down, sealing the envelope and stuffing it into the postbox at the end of the Spicer’s half-mile driveway.

The run-up to Christmas was in full swing when the brief reply, unsigned, had fallen through his letterbox. Capital letters exploded across the page;

WE SHOULD TALK.

TOMORROW.

Well, yeah, John. We should. You’re a month behind. That’s what we should talk about.

Rain dripped into his collar from the back of the trapper hat and he sensed that his right sock was getting damp; there was a small hole at the heel of his boot that only let in water when he was actually standing in it. He shifted, trying to find a dryer spot and saw how the Audi’s wheels were sinking into the boggy turf. John would probably be bleating for a tow, when they left.

'I’ve had enough,' Spicer was saying. 'It’s taken me this long to realise that I should never have started it.'

'You’d like to forget what you did,' Larry hollered back. 'Sabotage! You put people in clear danger!'

'I never meant to! But blackmail? That’s what you are doing, Larry Waish, damn you!'

He’d never heard the man let out an oath. 'Okay. You’ve had your little rant. Now it’s time to pay. You missed last month. I need the money. It’s fucking Christmas.'

John shifted in the seat, until, finally they were staring at each other. 'It’s over, mate. No more money. I’m going straight to Bridgwater to make a police statement. Tell them what I did; tell them what you are doing.'

The look on the man’s face. Pity. Larry stepped away from what was in those eyes, forgetting the boggy ground, and suddenly, his butt was in the mud.

John did not laugh. As if Larry Waish, and his pathetic life – never married, living with his weirdo sister, scraping a living from a barn full of poultry – was not a matter for mirth or taunts, but for compassion. The knowing chaffed the bottom of his stomach. All this time, John Spicer had felt sorry for him.

He sucked his boots free of the marshy ground and scraped himself up. He was mired. Shat upon. 'Fuckhead,' he hissed. 'Fuckhead, fuckhead.'

Spicer looked away, like he hadn’t seen the fool he’d become, and dropped the stick into drive. The fat, black tyres flew round with a high whining sound, splattering further mud over Larry’s jeans. The engine screamed. His foot must have been on the floor. He punched at the wheel and the horn burped out.

‘All right,' said Larry. His heart was pounding, he could hear the rhythm of it in his voice. 'All right. Make this the last time. Give me your payment and we’ll call it  a day.'

Perhaps John Spicer’s lips twitched, in and out of a smile. 'You’re too late. Because, Larry, blackmail is the bigger crime.'

'I call it fair payment. I lost two-thirds of my living.'

'You got compensation. I heard in the village.' Spicer tried to reverse, taking it steady, but the wheels dug deeper into the furrow he’d already made. The engine hollered for mercy. He stuck his head out of the window. 'Could you pull back up the lane?' As if they’d only stopped here to exchange pleasantries. 'Give me a bit of room, please?'

'You’ll need a tow,' Larry grunted. 'You’re in too deep.'

He mashed his way to the pickup, his jeans stuck to his backside. Somewhere in the back was a bit of good rope they could use to get the Audi out of its predicament. He shifted the briefcase to one side. It was still wide open, like a dog waiting for a treat.


The bastard owes. 

A double payment.

Fucking feels sorry. 

For me.

Fuckhead.

He’s in too deep.

Bloody fluid fizzed inside his brain until it felt like it was oozing out of his eye sockets. He wiped them and looked at his hands. Nothing but mud and rain and hot, invisible tears.

Blackmail is the bigger crime.


The back of the pickup was littered with his stuff. Bits from the farm, bits for the car, a spare sack of layer’s pellets. He spotted the fat coil of blue rope towards the bottom and reached down for it. His hand knocked against his shotgun. 

How did this happen? How did that sod turn his one bit of luck around like this?

He picked up his gun so he could pull the rope out. His shotgun. It felt good in his hand, like a friendship.

  As he walked along the side of the Audi, he drew his right hand behind him, the shotgun nestling against his back. The rope dangled from his left arm, almost tripping him.

'Look, Larry…I’m sorry, mate,' said John.

And he really was; sorry he couldn’t pay him any more money, as if the Waishes were a charity case.

Had he only agreed to pay him because he was a fucking charity case?

'You will be sorry.' 

He dropped the rope in the mud and poked the barrel of the shotgun through the window. It crashed against John’s teeth. The man veered away as best he could within the confines of the seat belt he’d never undone, his hands clutching at the barrel, struggling with the gun. The fucker had not been expecting this.

He couldn’t think. Couldn’t control his head anymore.

He fired. His eyes slapped shut with the recoil. When he cracked them open, he couldn’t make out where John’s face had gone. 

For a few further seconds, everything was motionless. 'Mate?' 

He went to wipe away the blood. His hand touched bone, and the slippery stickiness of innards. Like the entrails of a drawn chicken. He tried to help John up. The body moved. There was no sound as it gained momentum, just a single soft, squelch as Spicer collapsed towards the steering wheel.

He couldn’t take it in. He had no idea his shotgun could do this damage. It could kill a fox, from across a field, but he’d never used it on anything close up before.

He couldn’t recall what had gone through his mind before he pulled the trigger, or even if he had pulled it. All he remembered was the look of pity in John’s eyes, the mud on his jeans. The stew boiling bloody in his head. The friendly gun in his hands.

And then, a soul-saving moment of clarity as he realised no one knew they were here. No one knew they had ever met here.

He walked back to the car and threw in the tow rope. He pulled on a pair of chainsaw gloves and polished his gun with an old rag, burnishing it as if for a game show.

It was quiet in the glade. Even the crows had been scared away. Was Spicer dead? 

He had left Spicer’s brain splattered over the Audi. Of course the man was dead.

He stood in front of the car for a long time, thinking about positions. How a man might kill himself with a shotgun in a car. He rested the stock of the gun on the open window, so the trigger was just inside. Yes, that seemed to work. He let go of it and it fell into the driver’s well, where blood was pooling.

It wasn’t Spicer’s gun, but luckily, it wasn’t his, either. He’d picked it up somewhere, probably in some pub for a good price.

Sinking into the wet ground was the discharged cartridge. He nudged it towards the car with his foot. 

As he did so, the clarity left. As if the last of his luck had turned and walked away.

He was on his knees before he knew he’d fallen. A thin trail of bile ran from his mouth into the grass and was dissipated by the rain. He’d only had whisky for breakfast. His eyes stung. He ran his fingers over them and this time, yes, blood came away, smearing the bright colours of the chainsaw gloves. 

But it wasn’t his blood.

It was John Spicer’s.


Now read on by following
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