STARTING TO WRITE; Get Close to your Narrator though Internal Monologue

Starting your first fiction? Getting close you your main character is a crucial part of writing any story, of any length. 

Readers want to connect with the protagonist. This doesn't mean they have to like them ––  rather, understand their motivation. And this doesn't mean sympathy ––rather, they need a certain element of empathy with them. They want to be able to see how things are in their shoes, to identify with some of their responses or situations. 

The first thing a writers considers in the point of view they are going to use to write about this main character. If you are not sure how to tackle this technique, do read these two blogpost before you carry on with this one –– about POINT OF VIEW and about the more tricky OMNISCIENT POV

But now, you have chosen the perfect point of view for your narrator's voice and you are seeing each scene – all the action and description – through that point of view. You are also going to 'see' inside your narrator, using that POV. You must allow the reader to see what the narrator is thinking, although it is up to you, the creator, to decide just how much of the narrator's thoughts they will be privy to. Without this look inside, narration is bland and emotionless. We read what is happening (action) what people are saying  (dialogue) and what things around the setting look like (description) but with 'seeing' inside the narrator's head,  none  of that will engage the reader properly.

Interior (or internal) monologue

Seeing into the narrator's head is called  interior (or internal) monologue. It is used to create engaging narration, as the  Masterclass website points out.  “Internal monologue…is a literary device that allows the reader to observe the inner thoughts of characters in a narrative.” When internal monologue is used, the scene is described through the perspective and voice of the character, making it emotional and personal. In the real world, we all have our own voice which comes out in the way we talk. This is seen specifically through the words and phrases we use and the things we talk about.  Each character should have a clear voice, just like real people, and this voice is both the one they will use in dialogue, and the one they will use in interior monologue  

A Little Exercise

Take a look at something you've already written in a narrator's voice. 

Are you missing out on seeing what that narrator is thinking? If so, the result won't help the reader get that connection they need. Take that piece you've just read and try to redraft it, so that the character is thinking, and the reader is seeing what they think.  Doing this help you read an intimate point of view which increases empathy and identity for the reader. Now see if you can blur the line between your description and r interior monologue, so that you move effortlessly from seeing the world through your character’s eyes to seeing the world (including action and description) through your character’s mind and back again, as my character, Sabbie Dare, does here; 

    'Your life is not at risk. I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I thought it was.'

  It was the ‘I’ that made me stop. I reconsidered Ivan’s comment about police arriving in pairs. Why was this man alone? 'I want to see your ID again.'

   He slid it over the coffee table. I wouldn’t know a fake police badge if it had ‘Counterfeit’ stamped over it, but I rested my hand on the plastic coat and closed my eyes, to see what drifted into my mind. I gained a sensation; a recognition of strength and self-possession.      Hidden underneath was a split-second flash of utter fatigue, the sort one associates with huge amounts of health-abuse. But that might be me, stereotyping the guy. Maybe he was a teetotaler. 

  'You’re smart, Sabbie,' said DS Buckley. 'I’m here on a bit of a hunch. The man we’re interviewing is a puzzle, and I’m hoping you’ll be able to solve it.'

                                                  In the Moors Llewellyn International, Midnight Ink 

Interior Monologue and POV

In The Art of Fiction.  John Gardner explains how the close third person (sometimes called 'limited' or 'subjective' 3rd Person POV) is essentially the same as the first person except that each ‘I’ is changed to ‘she’ or 'he' or 'they'. This is almost the truth, but not quite, and is part of the joy of choosing the right POV in the first place. I chose the write In the Moors  in the first person as I did want to drill right down into Sabbie's mind with not the tiniest bit of distance because she uses shamanic techniques, and I was sure she would convince the reader of her use of this technique the better is she spoke directly to them. But there is no doubt that Gardner can be right; think back to the last book you read in a close 3rd Person POV. Did the narrator fully engage? Did you identify, even empathise with them? In that case, the writer managed that clever trick of persuading you to believe in their character, even the they are writing about them, rather than being them.  That is…she closed her eyes, to see what drifted into her mind… .rather than....I closed my eyes, to see what drifted into my mind…

Direct and Indirect Interior Monologue

Direct interior monologue tells you the exact thoughts of the character, using exactly the words he is thinking. If, when reading fiction, you see a short burst of italics, you'll know the writer is using a direct interior monologue, although that is their choice, you don't have to do it. However, spotting these italics can really help you understand what is going on with this writer and emulate the technique yourself.  Whether this is in italics or not it should be perfectly clear that these are the verbatim words going through the POV character’s mind.

Indirect interior monologue tells the approximate thoughts of the character, without giving the exact words he’s thinking. So far as I know, nobody ever writes these using italics.

Most novelists use both direct and indirect interior monologue, mixing them well, because it just feels better when you do so.

Here's some indirect monologue from In The Moors:

    Maybe it was just my lack of breakfast, but I was glad of this reprieve. I needed to think everything through; Cliff’s story, Rey and Ivan, dreams and hens. But instead, I thought about Josh Sutton.

And here's some direct (in italics): 

    I wasn’t ready to consider Ivan anything more than a casual date. We were as different as a ladybird is from a greenfly. 

     So  long as I was the ladybird.

Another Little Exercise 

If you are not getting any, or sufficient interior monologue into your fiction, think about any if the following suggestions; 

• Focus on the POV character, ask yourself what are they thinking and feeling
• Now decide if sharing this with your reader will increase connectivity, without spoiling any secrets you want to keep
• Try sharing thoughts on the page
• Read through your writing. Use a highlighter to highlight the Narrative Action, Dialogue and Description.  If you can see any Interior Monologue, highlight that in a  different colour. Action and Dialogue should show what characters are doing or saying. The Interior Monologue  should show what the POV character is thinking or feeling.
• It should also describe, so that we see Description through their eyes. That makes description far more effective. 

Head-Hopping and Moving POV

Stories do not have to stay in one point of view. Sensible authors, though do stick with one narrator 

throughout an entire scene, even

better, chapter. One of the great exponents of this is George R R Martin, who's "Game of Thrones" series is written chapter by chapter, character by character, building up a tremendous empathy with almost all the Stark family, with Tyrion Lannister, and with Daenerys Targaryen in particular. These are the characters who are likely to build up the most empty and connection with the reader and we see almost all the other characters via their interior thoughts on them.

However, moving POV is not the same as head-hopping. If your readers are having to bounce from one character’s head to another in the same scene, you will fail them.  After all, you want to give your reader a powerful experience, and you'll do that best by putting your reader inside the skin of one character at a time. The reader sees only what that character sees. Hears what she hears. Smells what she smells. Feels what she feels. Your reader becomes that character for the scene. If you want to get into another character's head you wait for a new scene, or chapter, that way they are never confused. Head-hopping is often accidental for newer writers, Look what has happened to In the Moors when I head-hop:

'Your life is not at risk,' said DS Buckley, hoping what he was saying was true. 'I wouldn’t ask you to do this if I thought it was.'

    It was the ‘I’ that made me stop. I reconsidered Ivan’s comment about police arriving in pairs. Why was this man alone? 'I want to see your ID again.'  

     He slid it over the coffee table, the feel of the plastic cold on his fingers. I wouldn’t know a fake police badge if it had ‘Counterfeit’ stamped over it, but I rested my hand on the plastic coat and closed my eyes, to see what drifted into my mind. I gained a sensation; a recognition of strength and self-possession. Hidden underneath was a split-second flash of utter fatigue, the sort one associates with huge amounts of health-abuse. But that might be me, stereotyping the guy.            'You’re smart, Sabbie.'  Buckley meant it – he was attracted to this girl. 'I’m here on a bit of a hunch. The man we’re interviewing is a puzzle, and I’m hoping you’ll be able to solve it.'

Nonfiction

Interior monologue  can be used in nonfiction as well, but if you are writing something factual (your autobiography, or your travels, for instance) you must make sure that internal thoughts can be backed up by facts. Although, when writing biographical fiction, it is fine to get into a real character's head and suppose, or imagine, or deduce that's what he or she would be thinking. 

Tom Wolfe explains that in his book The Right Stuff, his style was developed to grab the readers' attention, to absorb them. ... He wanted to get into the heads of his characters, even if this was nonfiction. And so, at an astronauts' press conference, he quotes a reporter's question on who was confident about coming back from space. He describes the astronauts looking at one another and hoisting their hands in the air. Then, he's into their heads:

      It really made you feel like an idiot, raising your hand this way. If you didn't think you were 'coming back,' then you would really have to be a fool or a nut to have volunteered at all. ...

We will return to the subject of getting in the (right!) character's head in the next STARTING TO WRITE blogpost, when I look at psychic distance.